What I Want

It's high time that I take a cue from C-bob and really think about my goals. What is it that I really want to do with my life? Here's the "dirty list", as I call it, in no particular order.

1. Become a Published Author. I have wanted to be a writer for as long as I can remember. I love reading and it just seems natural to me to want to write. I have to find the inner motivation to actually write. The problem with writing is that it's nothing that can be forced and can get frustrating due to its lack of cooperation.

2. Play Baseball. I have always loved softball and have found that I love baseball even more. I have the tools now, for the most part, so I just need to get into shape and learn some fundamentals.

3. Lead a More Structured Life. Too much lately I have been putting things off simply because it doesn't seem to really matter if I get certain things done. I don't have any time commitments really, so why bother doing anything now? It's not a good attitude to have and I have to find a way to break this.

4. Find a Job Where I Am Satisfied. I don't have to be super happy with my job, but I should feel like I am making a difference and that what I am doing is at least important to someone. I want to have some control over things, have a team of others to rely on and have the support I need to get my job done. I want to work with people as I really do enjoy working with and helping other people.

5. Lose Weight and Get In Shape. It is very important to me that I be able to control my own body. I think it shows a lot about a person if you can be in control of your physical and mental health. This is not an easy process, but I think I have finally found something that will work. This is a non-time based goal as it will happen when it happens. I know what I need to do each day in order to achieve what I want long term.

There, those are my 5 Life Goals. It's nice to look at that and not feel overwhelmed by it. I know I can do those things on that list. It makes me happy to know that everything on that list is possible and that I will be doing them all, at some point.

New Bat

Happy! :)

On Why Good Writing Is Hard

If you think it is easy to be a writer, than you have never truly tried to write. I have been reading tonight and as I was nearly slipping off to sleep, this idea hit me and thus this blog entry is born...

Good writing is hard because good writing comes from the heart. You know when you have this piece of writing done because you feel not only happy that it is out there, but exhausted with all the energy it took from you. Good writing sucks out a small part of the writer's soul and touches reader's in a way you never imagined. When you get down to the core of it, you know when the writing is truly coming from within. Your mind begs you to stop and your body grows weak. You know as a writer though, you must push on. Other people must see things your way and even if you lose a chunk of you with it, so be it.

Good writing is also hard to let go. This piece, this part of you on paper, is like your own child. Some people will not like it, but you have a hard time accepting that. "Everyone must love my baby!" you will cry. Hearing the criticism, you will curl up and wonder if you have made the wrong choice in being a writer. Maybe you just aren't cut out for it. Maybe something safer would be better. The world doesn't need more writers, right?

But you know, deep down that there is no way to stop being a writer. You can't simply flip a switch and turn that part of. When you are a writer, that's what you are deep down inside. No matter what you do to pay the rent, you can never stop being a writer. Even when you stop writing, for whatever fear may have caused it, you are still a writer. Your brain functions as a writer. You read books as a writer. Everything around you might remind you of something you should or could write about.

Someday I would like to see or write a book about overcoming fear and embracing the writer within. Those that are writers already know this profession has been set on them. They know this from the first time they write sentences in first grade. You are a writer because you were born a writer. No more a noble career can be set down upon a person.

I am a writer. I will always be a writer. I may try to pretend that I'm not, but it is of no use. My life is meaningless if I am not being the writer that I am. I have to free the writer within and settle back into enjoying writing. I will do this for me and for the readers of my future works. I am good at making predictions and read this one now. I will be a published author and people will know my name. I am not being egotistical or cocky about this. It's just something I know to be true and am fully willing to accept this.

So my dear reader, whoever you are, think about this. Who are you deep down inside? What were you put on this Earth to do? I think with some time and thought, you can figure it out. Once you know what it is, are you willing to do what needs to be done to achieve that? I know you can do it.

Debating

Ok, so I'm starting to feel like my life has become a bit meaningless lately. I'm not complaining or whatever, instead I am going to post here what I can do about it. The biggest thing I can think of would be to get employment. I think that having a job, at least I would feel like I am accomplishing something everyday. I wanted very much to make money doing my writing, but it's a really slow process and unless you are really lucky, it's almost impossible to actually survive on writing alone.

So what am I going to do? Well, I have been looking at job listings and not really finding much worth pursuing. It may come down to simply applying at Target or Toys R Us and doing seasonal work. This wouldn't be so bad right? The pay is pretty much nothing, but it would at least get me out of the house. Right now I am really thinking about emailing on the Toys R Us job and just getting it over with. I called Wesleyan but have yet to hear back from them. I'd really prefer to have that job but it's frustrating me that it's taking them so long to respond. I just want to know one way or the other and move on with my life.

State Farm insurance is adding about 80 jobs in January. Amber told me they will be advertising sometime this month and that the jobs start in January. I'm not sure what kinds of jobs they are exactly, but it will be worth looking in to. Maybe if I see that job is worth going for, I will just take some kind of seasonal work now and live with that. Seriously, I am getting really bored with not having a job. I'm going crazy. :)

Commenting!

So I have given up on my old commenting service, and as sad as I was to lose the other comments, I have moved over to Haloscan and hope they will be more reliable. I was tired of my page never loading simply because the old commenting place's server would crash everyday, all day.

So have fun with the new commenting service!

Hi!

Ok, so I have been annoying other people about updating their blogs, but not really doing much to update mine.

I guess that's just how it is though because I honestly have nothing to say.

So.... HA! Suckers.

*runs away*

Small Annoyance... Short Blog

Well, backblog seems to be having problems right now, which is causing this page to load really slowly. I may very well have to find a new commenting service. They have a lot of server load problems.

Nothing else to comment on. Going to go buy groceries later and probably play video games.

Bye!

'Ello!

Not much to update but I did have a pretty good day so far.

Met up with Amber for coffee at Barnes and then lunch at Subway. After that she showed me her house, which was cool. They have a big screen TV in the basement and really comfy couches. It's cool to have a new friend!

I have stuff to do for class, but I keep putting it off. I just don't feel like sitting down and concentrating on anything right now. I think I may have to pull some old writing out to take and share. I'm just not in the mood to write something new this week. I have to get some freewrites done and I should really read through the assignment. Plus I still have to do the reading and commenting for workshop. Go me! I figure I can do some tonight and some tomorrow and then I still have Wednesday before class.

I was going to call Wesleyan today but I didn't get up until 11:00 and then I was gone all afternoon. It was nearly 5 by the time I actually got home, so I'm going to have to do that tomorrow. I really want to start doing hitting lessons like C-bob is doing, but I need money. Anyone that wants to sponsor my hitting lessons, feel free to email me!! :)

Target is hiring, so push come to shove, I'm going to go apply there. It's not all that bad, right? I mean, money is money, right? *sigh* Oh well. Whatever it takes.

I'm going to have to play some video games tonight because I feel like it. If not tonight, then for sure tomorrow at some point. Man, I'm hyper. *runs around*

So it is

Another day.. another day.

I really have nothing to say but I felt like posting something. I'm getting ready to go do laundry and hang out with my family. I have no plans for today outside that, so it should be a pretty easy day.

I'm still a bit tired but I got enough sleep, for once. I got a new game for the gamecube, Billy Hatcher and the Giant Egg. So far it's been pretty fun but I'm still trying to get the hang of it. I keep forgetting that I actually do enjoy playing video games. I really need to work more of that into my time because it can be relaxing and I do enjoy it.

Well, nothing else to report, so I'm gonna close. Peace.