Did It

I did something tonight that I have never done before. I wrote and mailed an actual letter to someone I admire. Even as a kid, I never did that. I'm only starting to realize how important it is to tell other people when they have done something for you in life, or have made some kind of positive impact. People need to know when they have done something good for someone else. I think that if we don't tell people, some of them may go through life thinking they never accomplished anything, or meant anything to anyone.

So here is my challenge to you, find one person in your life that had a great impact, maybe a teacher or relative, or famous person, and write them a letter. You don't have to mail it if you don't want to, but I think you should do this. I think you should acknowledge that other people have helped you on your life journey. They deserve to know this. Cheers!

And so it goes

I am currently debating the idea of going and finding some temp work by November. I'm not really worried about the money, but it would make me feel a little better to be able to afford some of the things I enjoy, like food. :)

I think the main reason is that until I get into that English program, it would be nice to have a bit of income. The main motivation is that I really want season tickets for the Saltdogs next summer but I know that even when I'm in the English program, money will be tight.

My plan is to either go to a temp agency and tell them I want something part-time, preferablly not every day of the week. Something like full-time 3 days a week would be ideal. That way I could bring in a little extra money, but still have the time to study and work on my writing. The other idea would be to look for seasonal work somewhere for the holiday season. Places will be hiring for that soon, I'm sure. I don't want to take a real job anywhere right now, with the knowledge that I don't plan on staying anywhere longer than a year.

I'll let you guys know what I figure out with this. Please return to your regular lives now. Peace.
(Spellchecker isn't loading... so this is being posted in draft form)

And so the path diverges...

Two events happened today that must be duly noted.

First of all, I had my advising appointment this afternoon with Dr. Baraba DiBernard. She was very helpful and made me feel like applying for this program is a great choice. I seemed to have made a good impression because she said that I "had done my research, which was nice" and she said "it was good to meet you" and she actually seemed to mean it. She explained the program a bit more to me and about how the applications are getting more competitive each year and what not. This is a really good creative writing program, and it's sitting there right under my nose. I have a lot of work to do by January 15th to get my application in, but after hearing about the program, it sounds like exactly what I am looking for.

If you get an assistantship for the MA, you spend the first year doing a "reading assistantship" and the second year doing a teaching assitantship. When I was still debating the MBA, I stopped and asked myself what I wanted to do with the MBA. The only thing I could think of was teaching, but I didn't want to teach business courses. I want to teach English classes. In the back of my mind I have always wanted to teach, and the MA in English program will give me both teaching and writing experience.

I have to work on my application materials which include, taking the GRE, finding or writing a 15-20 page critical essay, writing some solid creative writing samples, getting three letters of recomendation and getting the other minor application forms finished. All this by Januaray 15th. Some of you may need a picture of me to remember what I look like. ;)

Ok, so the other thing that happened today. I got a letter from Wessie in the mailbox. I was thinking, well at least they finally wrote me a rejection letter, right? Nope. It's a letter letting me know they haven't even started reviewing the resumes yet. They are so awesome. They aren't even going to start reviewing resumes until the "third or fourth week of October" and that it was delayed "because our campus has been invaded by the WORM virus." *shakes head* The paper is nice though.

Before writing this, I was thinking, great, life is just giving me another choice to make. Looking back at this entry, I don't think the choice is going to be hard, do you?

Erg.. trojan.qhosts

It's nice to finally be able to use MercX again, poor thing got a trojan at some point yesterday. It was Trojan.Qhosts and took me most of the morning just to fix, even though Symantec considers it a "easy fix." Oh and for me, it did more than redirect webpages, it completely shut off my connection to the outside world. I could get to other network computers and vice versa, but no internet, messenger, etc. I'm guessing that has something to do with my setup, but it was annoying when it wasn't working. I had to delete a bunch of registry entries and reset my connection settings and all that fun stuff.

What's really great is that the virus scan version I have, 7, doesn't have an updated .dat file for this virus but the version I used to run, 4, does. *sigh* Hopefully they will get an update out soon because I would like to run a full scan on my system and see if anything is left lurking around.

At least I was able to quickly figure out it was isolated to MercX, since the laptop was able to get internet just fine. I'm glad it's fixed now though, because as much as I like the laptop, I still prefer the desktop PC for Internet related activities.

Contagious

No, this blog isn't going to be about illness, so just relax. ;)

What it is going to be about is the way thoughts and ideas become contagious. I was reading Merc's blog this morning, go read it, it's very good, and it got me to thinking about how so many people I know are going through stages of life redevelopment.

It makes me wonder where this spark started and how we can keep it going. I think it's wonderful when people can take a look at their lives and make the decision to change what isn't going right. I totally support the idea in Merc's blog that I don't want to look back at my life and live in regret. We talked about this in either psychology or philosophy class in high school. The idea that everyone goes through life stages and you either have a feeling of fulfillment or regret when you look back. I never want to look back in regret. This means I have to do the things in my life that will gain me fulfillment.

I think it's important that everyone stop every once and awhile and evaluate their lives. Are you doing what you want to be doing? Are you happy with the way your life is going? Once you know the answers to these questions, you can work on ways to make changes to get your life in the direction you want. Maybe you have kids or other obligations that would keep you from making huge changes afforded to us without obligations like this, but there are probably small things you can do. Maybe simply taking a fun class at a community college, joining a new group, or doing some volunteer work would help make life more fulfilling.

I think for me the only way life is going to be fulfilling is if I do the things I enjoy and try to not worry so much. I need to just relax and go with what feels right. I am in a special position right now where I don't need to have a job so why not take a hold of that opportunity and run with it? I am making a lot of life changes right now that I hope will lead me to the place I want to be in 5 years. I think the way to start motivating yourself is to set realistic goals with actual timelines.

In 5 years I hope to have at least my Master's and be teaching English classes somewhere. I hope to be physically active and more social than I am right now. I want to find someone that makes me feel special, someone I might even consider marrying someday. This is just a few of the things I want in the next 5 years.

Goal setting should be used in long term and short term ways. I think that any goal that will motivate you is a good goal. Maybe the goal is to simply work 15 mins a day on some project this week is a good goal. Then maybe next week you can up that to 30 minutes a day, and so on. I believe that life changes are a slow process and if you rush them you will be more likely to quit sooner. You have to get your mind and body adjusted to these changes gradually. I think my goal for this week is to work on setting goals. Once I have these goals set, I can finish them off and set more. Hopefully it will become addictive and motivate me to get going.

I challenge you all to set 5 goals this week. 5 is not a huge number, so go for it. You can share them here, if you want to, no pressure though. :)

Onward!

Ok, I think I'm pretty much out of baseball pictures worth posting, so some of you don't have to suffer any more. You know who you are.

That won't stop me from talking about baseball. Playoffs start tonight and C-bob and I are going watch the miracle Cubbies beat the Braves. Personally, I think it would be awesome if the Cubs can make it to the World Series. Go Cubs!!

Alright, enough about baseball, I suppose. I feel like I am stuck in neutral right now. It's like being in this weird place where I can see where I have been and I can see where I want to go, but I am in some kind of limbo state right now. I am trying so hard to break free from this and dive towards what I want. What is holding me back? Something like a thin glass wall is standing in front of me, probably created by my own fears. It's either that or I'm just lazy and procrastinate way too much.

I am mad at myself too. I say this so much here about how I need to get motivated and start doing things. But then when I actually go to do them, I just stop short and almost panic a little. I need to learn to relax, maybe I should take up meditation. I'm sure I could find some good resources online and it would be healthier than drinking. Not that I have been drinking lately, I just don't really do that anymore, which is probably for the best.

So what should I do to break through my glass wall? It's as with everything else, take a deep breathe and just do it. This is it my friends, this is my chance, I have to cease it. I will break through, just you watch me. I'm going to do it now, not tomorrow, not in a week, but right now.

Go Josh!

This is Josh Patton, he plays 3rd Base and he's totally awesome. Number 10 in the first pic is Eddy De Los Santos, he just got traded back to Joliet. The first two pictures were taken by me and the last one was taken by C-bob.

Tired

I am trying my best to become a more active and thus more healthy person. I'm learning to live life in a state of moderation. I have found a system to work with and I'm going to give it my best try.

I am so out of shape though, but I am encourage with the knowledge that, over time, I can learn how to be active. The aches and pains from starting out will be well worth the eventual outcome. I won't be posting much about all this here, but I thought making one post would be worthwhile.

So what do you guys like to do to be active? I have been doing a mix of walking, playing catch and shooting hoops. I am hoping to get a lot better at shooting hoops, because currently, I am awful.

Don't Think

I am trying really hard to just do things without over thinking. If I want to write a story, I should just write it. If you start thinking too much, which is a problem of mine, then you can ruin the moment and lose the inspiration. I found this was true the other day while shooting baskets with C-bob. When I was thinking about it, I couldn't get the ball in, but the minute I stopped thinking, I side armed the ball right into the net, without hitting the rim.

I'm very good at over analyzing things to the point where I have accomplished nothing but wasting a lot of time making myself more confused than ever. I am trying to learn to just do what needs to be done and not worry so much about every little meaning in things. I remember talking to someone about signs and reading into things and he basically told me that, sometimes there are signs, but something things just are the way they are. Sometimes, especially where other people are concerned, things just are as simple as they seem on the surface.

For me it's going to be pushing past my own fears. Pushing past my own hesitations and doing what I want to do. I have to give myself daily pep talks now, just to keep on track and get things done. They actually seem to be helping and I am getting used to my new life. It feels so right that I don't ever want to lose it.

I went to my parents' today and as I was sitting in the living room playing with the dog, my mom asked me how the job hunting and selling stuff was going. I ignored her at first, because I can't seem to get her to understand that I don't want another job. I tried to explain the school thing to her last week, but she just doesn't seem to quite grasp the idea. She asked again and I told her I had sold some stuff online. Later that evening she suggested a place that I should try to get a job at, and I said I didn't really think that would work. When she asked why I finally said, again, that I didn't want a job. I know she means well, but it doesn't help much. I can't let that get me down though, because this is my life, and I have to be the one living it, not her.