Hyper...

I am so freakin hyper right now... wooooooooo... *runs around*

Jimmy Eat World..

I'm starting to really like the song Praise Chorus by Jimmy Eat World. Thought I should share.

Hello..

So I was thinking more about things and I realized something, so maybe things don't go the way I want, but that doesn't mean the whole world is over. It just means I have to adjust and make changes and go on with life. I mean it's not like anything truly major happened, I was just really tired and still emotionally wrecked from the whole layoffs and whatnot. Oh well, I'm building character, right?

I think I have come to the realization that I am not where I thought I was in life. I think maybe I'm pushing too fast through my current period of "self awareness." I need to give it more time and to focus more on myself right now. I think that I was really at the point where it was like I had made a few choice observations so then I must be done. Well that is hardly true. I have no real goals to attain and no real look at the future right now. I used to have this plan about where I would be in 5 years, that was something I came up with 3 years ago. I realize that I am not anywhere near those goals and I'm not sure I even want those things anymore. Basically, more me time is in order. But this doesn't mean I want to sit at home all night and talk to myself. I am starting to really enjoy going out and hanging out with my friends. I need to expand my social circle, make new friends and really just go out and enjoy myself and not worry about stuff.

I think the lesson is to take everything at face value, because the chances are very high that that is what it all really means. I am going to just keep on being me and whatever comes my way, cool. All I need to figure out now is how a person goes about expanded that social circle. I need to get over my inner shyness to really accomplish that. I seem to set up criteria on other people before I will really let them know me. I am just an internal type person, I like to think about things for a long time before acting. I like to have plans set but at the same time I also enjoy going with the flow.

This is my life, so I have to be the one that makes it worth living, no one else can do that.

Prespective...

I think I have gained a bit of perspective, even though it hasn't been that much time. It still sucks, but at least I know I'm going to be able to move past it and go on with my life, whatever happens.

I am running low on even the basic elements of food now, I should really stop being lazy and go to the grocery store. Maybe later, guess I'll figure it out.

Meh

Today has been emotionally drawing on many levels and for many reasons. I get this feeling fate is once again just trying to screw me over. Toying with my emotions only to rip me in the end. I just don't know what to do or if I can do anything. It's beyond comment right now. Nothing seems to work out the way I want and it both angers and saddens me. I'm quickly become bitter and resentful towards everything, I mean at this point, who the hell really cares? I hate to talk like this but it is how I feel... and I need not lie here, this is my blog after all. I don't want to go into details, that would be pointless. What can I do about it? No idea. I'm just quite unhappy with the way things are going and have no idea where to go next or if to even try anymore.

Goofballs!!

Hyped up on GOOFBALLS!!

Short is best.

*shrug*

My mood is strange and so am I. Not sure what is going on at all, completely clueless and quite a bit bored. Going to try playing computer games or something. I think I'm just worried about tomorrow. Don't feel like talking about it here.

Arrr...

I am a pirate. Heh.

Woo...

Another fun filled exciting evening ahead for me! Right now I am working on paying the bills... yay.. go me!!

Today I realized that I can be such a gimp sometimes, but because I am mean I won't tell you what caused this realization, but for those of you who trully know me, simply make up your own cause. heh. I may post later, just ran out of ideas for the moment.

C-bob, I have coupons for you.

Morning Musings..

I actually got a good amount of good sleep last night, once I feel asleep. I woke up pretty awake, got showered, etc, just finishing up getting ready for today. Hopefully today won't be as stressful as I fear it will be. I have this 8000N printer that is driving me crazy. It keeps getting a frequent 13.3 paper jam error and is getting highly annoying. I replaced the registration assembly, the part that recognizes the paper and continues to feed it through the toner cart. This was supposed to fix the problem, and the part did need to be replaced, but it is still jamming. I am going to have to call the parts ppl this morning and see if they can send a replacement one as this part seems to also not be functioning. This is in our undergraduate advising office, their main printer, and they are getting a bit stressed at not having a printer and I don't have one to offer them on a temporary basis.

Have another meeting this afternoon about budget cuts and staff reductions. These meetings are getting harder as we get closer to a final decision. I will be better off once the decision is made and explained to everyone. Right now I just feel like we have to get rid of a lot of good, talented people but we have no choice. There is just no money left to pay people with. I am most worried about one person getting angry, because that would be his normal reaction in a situation like this. Luckily there will be three of us manager type people there, hopefully to diffuse the situation and keep everything professional. It's going to be hard, Friday is going to suck.

Naps..

I took a good nap when I got home, to try and sleep off some of the day, it seems to have helped. Today was stressful and long for me, but it is over and I really don't feel like going in to it. I just wanted to type in a little, but I have nothing to really say. I think I may have pulled the muscle in my face, the one that connects the head to the jaw, on the left side. Every once and awhile pain shoots through that area, I am learning to live with it, what else can I do?

Nocturnal Monsters...

I have no idea what the title means, as it really has nothing to do with this post at all, it just sounded so cool. Seems there is a storm blowing its way into town right now, just about the time I need to leave. Figures. I actually enjoy a good storm, but I really don't enjoy driving in them. I have driven in some really crappy weather, large hail, flooding, etc in my past and so I have grown displeased with it. I like rain though, and thunder for the most part. I just have this bad feeling about tornadoes but that seems to be normal. I get a mixed feeling between wanting to hide and wanting to go watch. The desire to go watch has been wining out more and more, but that may be due to my overall increase in assertiveness and confidence. I am just a me junky right now. :)

Well since I don't have anything else to really say, I'll just go now. Later!

Night time...

It is time for me to head to bed. Before I go I wanted to update you all on my night. Tonight I hung out with C-bob, we got dinner at Runza and then went back to her place and hung out. We "watched" the movie Revolution OS, but it was not very good at all, we made fun of it for about 10 mins then ignored it and played a card game called Burn Rate. That game was kind of hard to figure out because it had vague rules, imo. After that we had to go to HyVee because C-Bob saw a commercial for snapple, although she didn't actually buy any snapple.

As far as other things go, my mind is still all fuzzy now. But it seems to be fuzzy in a good way. I had a talk with Nate today that kind of helped clear my head and made me realize that, when the time is right, I am going to go for what I want. It seems like the only good thing to do. Better to find out then to always sit back a wonder. I have done this before and not had the guts to follow through, and have regretted it for a long time afterwards. Whatever happens, I am still me and I don't want to lose that. Think of it as adding to my social circle, not taking me away. We will just have to wait and see, and I am ok with that for now. My mind seems to be able to control my heart a bit more than it did a few days ago. I am sleepy now so I am going to close. Peace.

Who knows....

I certainly don't. This day went super fast, but nothing of note really happened. I had nachos for dinner and got two bills in the mail Go me.

Guess what...

I am cranky and mad and ppl keep calling and being noisy... grrrr.

Why

Why am I awake right now? Hell if I know. I just woke up for some unknown reason and can't fall back asleep. So I got up and checked my email since I forgot to all day. Nothing much to report on that. This week is going to be awful, I have to do something I'm not looking forward to at work. It seems with budget cuts we are going to have to elminate some student worker positions, at least for the summer, but some will be permenent. We won't have a summer help desk over at the Kauffman Center, so no jobs there until fall, and we really only have need for one or two students this summer. Our lab will be no longer staffed the whole time it is open because we are moving to an automated printing system based on active directory student accounts and putting in cameras. This will save us a lot of needed money, but means we have to let go of some very dedicated and talented people. This has been the best team I have ever worked with in the past 3 years. It is going to hurt to see some of these people go, but what else can you do? It's our job, and Chad and I just have to make the tough decsions about who stays for the summer and who goes. It does not make for happy bedtime thoughts. If ever I needed someone to take my mind of things, it's now.

Thoughts

My brain is full of thoughts tonight, all about the same as normal. Strange things are afoot in my life right now. Things I want and things I want to do are coming closer to reality. I'm not sure what I think about this, or what to do about it. I just don't want to become the type of person I hate. It is very hard to control the inner animal's reaction to things and stay a normal, practical person. I think as long as I stay myself and be truthful about things, everything will work out fine.

I still wonder about fate and destiny. Is there a plan out there? I'd like the think that there is and hopefully it is something positive. I am starting to see things take shape, and things go certain ways and I am excited about the possibilities. I am also scared that I could be wrong. Must not let fear get in the way of something that would be completely worth having. Thinking about these things makes me feel ill and happy at the same time. Very strange indeed.

Sleep

I got a ton of sleep last night, about 12 hrs worth. It was great. I was so tired last night around 10 that I actually fell asleep for about an hour, got up for a bit, then went to bed. I just hope this doesn't effect my ability to go to sleep tonight, but it might. Just have to watch the caffeine intake for today. Going over to my rent's house here in a bit, gotta visit my puppy. Probably going to stop and grab lunch on my way, I'm thinking McD's. It has been a long time since I have had McD's.

Well I have nothing more important to say right now, so I am going to stop typing. Peace.